11/1/24

there might be three of us.

i don't like using plural terms like "we" or "us" when talking about this. it's just me or her or him or whoever else.

this issue first started around three years ago when i was a 28 year old disheveled straight man for like three months. it's weird to think about. matthew loved winter and always fantasized about dying in the woods. he almost bought an axe for some reason. haven't heard of him since.

i met genesis the other day and i honest to god despise her. she's pretty much the antithesis of me. the things that have physically happened in her name make me feel disgusting. i'm sure matthew would also hate her. she prefers another name instead of genesis but i don't care. i also don't know how old she is but she might be younger (quite troubling given what she does).

at my core, i'm a sometimes stoic tired hobo looking girl who is annoyed by many things. i try to dabble in things but can never really stick to anything. i'm incredibly possessive and feel violently jealous all the time, even if i hate admitting it. i don't really take care of my body and enjoy brutalizing it with alcohol or physical beatings or razor blades (or, formerly, vomiting five times a day). i like women and men, but historically i have despised pleasuring men. i don't care for gender identity, since i just consider myself objectively female and feel nothing about it.

i'm pretty sure it's just the three of us. i can't tell if the loser who sometimes age regresses and pet regresses is a new person or if i really am that loser.

genesis loves being a woman. she loves herself a lot. matthew probably killed himself out of my brain.