7/16/24

the other night i felt trapped in my surroundings. i kept hearing this creaking noise in the kitchen, so naturally i was convinced that someone was in the house. i was bundled up in my blanket despite how much i was sweating. thought about calling my psychiatrist or going to a hospital because with my luck i ended up thinking about my past and future life.

i often say "with my luck" or "knowing my luck" because i know the lord will allow the most random inconveniences in my life. i don't mean it in a blasphemous way but that's just how it works sometimes.

so i'm in my bed after downing five hydroxyzines. i just wanted to sleep because i didn't want to feel him holding me in that moment. i actually had a whole paragraph here about my past and future life and how this person is in both but i deleted it because i sounded very fucking unwell. i cried a lot the other night. i was essentially convinced that i'm going to die at the end of the month and that i need to prepare for my rebirth. when i tell you that shit got me so good.