8/14/24

i'm thinking of a way to end my life.

i know it would be better to take a more tactful approach. something that looks more dignified. i often think about dignified ways to approach things. for example, being an exercise bulimic would be a much more dignified way to be disordered. sure, it's so much easier to throw up everything. however, everyone likes gyming now. i could find a way to fit in despite wanting to rip my skin off and mail it to someone's house.

ultimately the most dignified thing to do is just act like a high-functioning person. it's much easier said than done (re: intention to end life).

the original intention was to kill myself before i turned 18, and then before 20, and now before 22. 21 seems like a cool age to die. i can think of exactly three reasons to stay alive and none of those are even guaranteed if i stay alive.