a year ago today i was raped in a motel room by a 40 year old man.
somehow that incident is the least of my worries today. i'm realizing that i was completely correct and justified with how i reacted back in mid-april. i was right and i should have gone further. i feel weak for not having gone further.
the album everything you ever wanted to know about silence by glassjaw is the most significant piece of media that i have experienced. it is an album that has spoken to me for several years, and it has never been more real until now. this album has saved my life and i will always cherish it. i'm listening to it right now to really simmer and come to terms with how disposable i really am. i'm normally full of myself but something about just being tossed out by someone i actually care about has flipped everything on its head.
i just want to know what i did wrong. everything has become a karmic punishment from god and i just want to know. why me? why is it happening to me? i have already been having the worst two weeks of my life and it conveniently got to this point. i miss at least feeling indifferent to daily life instead of waking up with immense dread every single day. only existing out of obligation. it seems that a lot of things existed out of obligation. i'm tired.